


keep my eyes above the waves

by sungchanery



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Purple Prose, Yearning, having the moon and the sea as ur comfort soulmates bc ur a sapphic trope, ish, lots of imagery regarding those
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27471334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungchanery/pseuds/sungchanery
Summary: But then again, lunar gleam takes over when water doesn’t, and that sates her all the same.If one can’t do it, she will settle for two.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	keep my eyes above the waves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laehys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laehys/gifts).



> whew...what a ride this fic was [wipes sweat off forehead]
> 
> a big, humongous, monstrous thanks to lua for filling my brain with beautiful lesbian moon images – enough for this fic to happen . this is for u, My Muse, My Single Braincell, The Other Half of My Brain <3
> 
> as always, hope u enjoy :D

Company is scarce these days, and love is scarcer. 

People pass by with a purpose that has nothing to do with Donghyuck, always moving towards a single point; finding purchase in something, feeling complete. She once had that. The roof to be safe under, the arms to feel warm in. Now; now the purpose is long gone, and she tries letting herself wander as well, in search of the piece that will lock itself in place under her skin, inside her heart – filling the comfort-shaped gap in its core. 

(The gap that once was occupied by _her._ Her safe haven. Her warm embrace to lose and find herself in.) 

And she happens upon it, a night full of surprises; and a full moon. It’s unparalleled, the feeling – and it hits her in waves. Like that first time when she saw _her_ amongst hundreds of others, a sea of people and _her_ like a lifeline, the beam of a lighthouse keeping Donghyuck from lethally crashing, keeping her afloat. 

(Moon Taeil was an anchor; and Donghyuck, breaking through the current, ever-moving Donghyuck was, for the very first time, content to still. Settled but free; not unlike the sun that makes way for the moon every single night, retreating, knowing that it will try again; a balance known since the dawn of time, in the way that the universe takes roaring things and makes them kind. But like everything in existence, nothing is beautiful _and_ endless, and their little world found its end way too soon.) 

A glance out of her bedroom window is enough – she knows when she sees it, when the feeling is being brought to light. And in light she bathes, that night that she finds time to properly rest and breathe, to look out of the window of her new house – an empty house, like every space without _her_ – and appreciate the view for what it is. Donghyuck has the sky and the moon in her palm, the ocean a stage for them to shine, a show only for her. Their reflection is glimmering, a flickering image on the otherwise pitch-black water surface and she revels in the calmness its motion brings. _Like an anchor and a boat,_ she thinks, and it brings tears in her eyes. She tastes the salt; and finds comfort.

Donghyuck chases it again and again, sitting by the window when the moon rises high in the sky, late at night, the breeze drying the salty streaks on her cheeks and leaving its own briny trace on her sun-kissed skin. Every night, she brings a new memory in her mind with her eyes glued on the pearly white crescent, lets it wash over her and then watches as the wind carries it into the sea. Like that, she can keep _her_ alive. The ocean has no end, after all, and _her,_ always enveloped by it, shouldn’t have one either. 

And that’s the thing with memories, it dawns on Donghyuck, one of those nights; you can always make new ones. 

That’s how Donghyuck ends up marching to the sea, leaving her room behind just to feel the freezing cold water on her feet, curl her toes in the wet sand. The show she was once witnessing from the sidelines is now rolling mere meters in front of her – one step, and she can slip right in. Right where she knows she belongs. But not today. From dusk till dawn, Donghyuck lets Taeil be the protagonist, letting her luminescence shine – and with every passing moment, she learns how to fall in love again.

It’s easy, as love can be, sometimes. She walks and walks, the shore spreading out in front of her and nobody to keep her back; only to push her _in._ With every step Donghyuck sinks a little more, the sea level reaching new parts of her every time she brings herself down to the beach and it is familiar. It’s slow and steady, the way she falls. 

But it’s also hard, like all things are. Taeil was giving, a pillar, ever-present; but the water gives and then takes in an infinite loop – waves expanding, hitting the shore and her skin before shrinking back in themselves, sand and her cuffed jeans seeped with water only for a fleeting moment by the time it hits again. And the moon – it comes and goes, dynamic. Donghyuck, once settling for stability and making herself at home in it, now feels homeless. The tide snatching what being underwater does to her; the sun shining brighter than the moonlight is capable of. 

Watching people find abode in each other drives Donghyuck to try as well, but to no avail. Every woman she brings home – after drinking for hours, after a cozy coffee date, heck, even after swiping ten lefts and one right on her phone for what seems like weeks – does nothing to the emptiness still lurking inside her. She flirts, she kisses, she fucks; but molten lava burns, leaving behind hollowness and Donghyuck can almost picture the caldera-like gap every meaningless hookup scalds in her. Lava solidifies with water – that’s a law of nature she can’t escape. So, after every foreign word, kiss, touch the ocean is, as always lately, her last resort. 

As loneliness keeps being a constant, she dives in. She submerges herself in Adam’s ale, the oxygen trapped in her lungs bubbling out of her lips and slipping between the ones of her liquid lover, a kiss. Donghyuck opens her eyes and looks up, the moon observing, luminous despite its blurriness, and the moment is almost like a secret between them three. The moment she can breathe again is torture like every second away from Taeil is. But then again, lunar gleam takes over when water doesn’t, and that sates her all the same. If one can’t do it, she will settle for two. 

It can do so much before it’s not enough. Donghyuck has always been greedy. _“Someone must have given you the world in your past life, if you’re always asking for more in this one,”_ Taeil once had told her while tenderly brushing her lips on every mole littered on Donghyuck’s skin. She disagreed then, and she still does. _“We are infinite as the universe we hold inside,”_ Taeil would sing against Donghyuck’s lips and maybe that’s why she’s gone – perhaps someone gave past Donghyuck the world; but Taeil gave present Donghyuck the entirety of her universe. 

The walk up the hill is nothing like the one along the shore, if the erratic beating of Donghyuck’s heart is anything to go by. While the one brings calmness, the latter has her feeling anxious, her insides tied into a knot, her breathing ragged. The ground is rocky, trees are towering tall and it’s steep until it isn’t, but what she discovers at the end is rewarding like nothing else. From up there, she can lay her eyes on what she loves to her heart’s content; the line dividing the sky from the ocean is almost indistinguishable, dark hidden in darker, the moon’s reflection clear in tonight’s tranquility, full and round and perfect; everything Taeil was. It’s alluring, really – and in a lover’s eyes, pretty turns infinite times prettier. Taeil was beautiful, and she still is, but now she has the whole, vast sea as her mirror and the stars to surround her, to gaze at and admire her. Donghyuck knows her though – she doesn’t need all that. She only needs Donghyuck like Donghyuck needs _her,_ and just because she _knows_ that, she takes the leap. 

It’s a leap of faith, a leap of hope – faith in her soulmate that will grab her end of the red string of fate and will bind them together again, like she knows and has done before; and hope for herself, for her loneliness to drown and her undying love to give her wings, to take Donghyuck up to _her_ again – for everything to become like before. 

It stings when they meet again. She wonders if that’s how Taeil felt when she was taken away, when the string broke and Donghyuck was left behind. If pain is what it takes – pain on her limbs, pain in her lungs, pain from the salt seeping in the scrapes the rocks gave her – she has already made up her mind; she will do it for _her._ As her beloved is taking her breath away, the other is still watching from up above, lifelong companion, and after a long, _long_ time, Donghyuck feels safe. 

* * *

The rise and fall of Donghyuck’s chest returns as the tide simmers down. Coughing water, she is reborn. Looking up with bleary eyes, the moon seems like she’s winking at her, sharing another secret as her gravitational pull is receding, letting the sea go after pushing its limits. 

Donghyuck soared, Donghyuck fell, Donghyuck is alive; and it’s all because of _her_. She walks to her house, to her room, with the moon having her back and salt clinging on her skin, an armor; and it _finally_ feels like home. 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me [here](https://twitter.com/yeekiies) !!


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